POM – BOOK YOUR AUSTRALIAN HOLIDAY!
Who’d wanna be a wallabeee?
I wish I knew, said the kangarooo.
I love this land, chirped the cuddly possum,
Yawning, stretching on a bed of blossom.
So Pom, if you need a getaway,
Come to Oz and play for a month and a day.
Let’s meet the locals, who’ll make your stay
A Dame Edna-tastic holiday!
Let’s start in Sydney, our biggest city,
Where the girls are ripped and the Bruces gritty.
A swim off Bondi late at night?
Great white sharks are friendly, right?
Tired of beer, mate? Try our great cider,
Then play dare by kissing a funnel web spider.
In search of a unique culinary dish?
Have you tried raw box jellyfish?
They drift In search of the mankini-ed swimmer,
Who they tickle all over, in time for dinner.
A real Ozzie swills Fosters from a gallon syphon,
While wrestling his twenty-foot amethystine python.
Did you know a drop of wolf spider’s venom
Can amuse fifty lawyers at their annual plenum?
Up in Queensland, where the sun’s always yellow,
You may meet a charmingly laid-back fellow:
So be sure to stomp on that buried stingray…
It’ll say thanks with its tail—and make your day!
Then check that travel insurance clause
In case a redback crawls in your drawers.
In the rainforest? That’s where the amiable cassowary,
Rushes over to greet the sun-stroked unwary.
When driving north, on the heat-baked roads,
You can count the two billion cane toads.
Here’s a ripper sport: tug a Taipan’s tail,
It’ll lick your fingers without fail!
Or swim a river with a salty croc,
Whose playful death-roll’s sure to rock.
Then there’s the stonefish, beneath the sand,
They say its venom’s super bland.
Want a buddy with Usain Bolt’s speed?
Introducing our giant centipede!
In the coral garden you’ll find a pet
With a beak as blunt as your rusty Gillette.
Known as the blue-ringed octopussy,
Squeeze his head hard to prove you’re no wussy.
Remember that cone shell you found on the beach?
Hold it tight—it’ll do strange things to your speech.
Tie a yellow-bellied sea-snake in a knot?
Try it. You’ll win Gold for projecting snot.
Then end your day with a fun party trick:
Play a game of spot the paralysis tick!
Dingo, wombat, bull ant, brumby,
Australia’s wildlife won’t leave you grumbly!
They’re here to greet you, make you feel special,
Cos our hospitals are empty and the examinations rectal.
So people: book your flights, plan your vacations,
But first…write your wills and warn your relations.